Messages

R.I.P
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hey sandman  I will never forget you mate and the kindness you showed towards many others. We will pray for You, May God give him eternal rest and the family the strength to bear the great pain.you will be sadly missed dear friend.

❤️ðŸ'›ðŸ'šðŸ'™ðŸ'œHAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO MY LOVEY SWEETHEART DI❤️ðŸ'›ðŸ'šðŸ'™ðŸ'œ ,HOPE YOUR DAY IS WONDERFUL AND FILLED WITH MUCH LOVE AND JOY WISH I WAS THERE WITH YOU ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY LOVE YOU SWEETHEART FROM YOUR  MAN LUC WHO❤️ðŸ'›ðŸ'šðŸ'™ðŸ'œ LOVES YOU❤️ðŸ'›ðŸ'šðŸ'™ðŸ'œ SO VERY MUCH(k)(l)(k)(l)(k)❤️ðŸ'›ðŸ'šðŸ'™ðŸ'œ

[It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone."Oh, Sister" said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved.""Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun."Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.""Did he now..." said the old nun evenly.Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his key to Heaven into my lock.""Is that a fact..." said the old nun, even more evenly."At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful but that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt good being saved.""That son-of-a..." muttered the old nun, "he told ME it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for forty years!"]

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

"Oh, Sister" said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."

"Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun.

"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."

"Did he now..." said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his key to Heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact..." said the old nun, even more evenly.

"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful but that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt good being saved."

"That son-of-a..." muttered the old nun, "he told ME it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for forty years!"

[Lemon SqueezeThere once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made passionate love to me seven times.'The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.']

Lemon Squeeze

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.

Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made passionate love to me seven times.'

The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'

The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'

The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

Two married ladies go on holiday to the Caribbean and meet a muscular black guy. After a week of fantastic threesome sex, they ask his name. He says "My name's Snow" The ladies start laughing, he asks "What's so funny"? Their reply...

Our husbands will never believe we had 10 inches of fucking Snow in the Caribbean!

Police officer test

How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?

QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.

Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.

You are carrying your Police-issued Glock and you are an expert shot. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.

What do you do ?

ANSWER:

Australian Police Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed ?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law ?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger ?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?

5) Am I dressed provocatively ?

6) Could I run away ?

7) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand ?

😎 Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings ?

9) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it ?

10) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway and what kind of message does this send to society ?

11) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me ?

12) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me ?

13) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head
and kills himself ?

14) If I shoot and wound him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to
sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home ?

Canadian Police Officer:

BANG !
American Police Officer:

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

'Click' ... Reload ...

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG

Glasgow Police Officer:


"Heh, Jimmie. Drap the knife, noo, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"

[Count me in ErrOr bro love too help out if its anything like the last lot of groups should be interresting indeed]

Count me in ErrOr bro  love too help out if its anything like the last lot of groups should be interresting indeed